Stress isn’t a terrible thing in small doses. In fact, stress and anxiety have been an important part of human development over the ages. They allow us to plan, to worry, to anticipate, and deal with challenges. So what’s the difference between the two? Stress is generally fairly appropriate for the event we’re anticipating (think big exam or first date). Anxiety is more of a clinical term, and implies that the intensity or duration of the stress doesn’t match the event (for example, thoughts and feelings of dread every day, even if there’s nothing big on). Anxiety starts to get in the way of life. It causes distress, and tends to recur. Almost every young person on the planet experiences stress occasionally, and that’s normal, but about 15% of young Australians experience anxiety that interferes with life.
Young people who experience anxiety usually find it appears in one of two main forms. Firstly, we consistently experience anxiety around certain events like performance or public speaking. Some of us find it’s more triggered by places such as school or home. The second form is more general, and we find that we experience anxiety in almost every part of our life, no matter what we’re doing or who we’re with. Either form gets in the way of how we think, how we act, and how we feel. It also tends to interrupt the formation of new memories and our access to stored memories (think ‘exams’).
The first thing I remind young people of, is that anxiety is trying to help them. That’s what it’s for. It tries to stop us getting ourselves in danger or feeling unsafe. Sometimes it gets a bit over-protective and decides “the best way to feel safe is if I don’t do anything new at all”. And that’s where it starts getting in the way of life. Because we are all here to try new things, meet new people, and learn about ourselves.
Everyone experiences anxiety a little differently. For some people it’s a pounding heartbeat, sweaty hands or shaking. Others experience a dry mouth, nausea or difficulty thinking straight. If anxiety has been around for a while, it can even lead to periods in which we feel almost entirely out of control.
The good news is that all of this is explainable, and all of it will pass. It’s our body going into “fight or flight mode”, blood rushing around, adrenaline pumping, and a range of chemicals trying to get our body ready. This is very useful when a wild animal is chasing us, but less so when we’re trying to sit still and focus – or worse – trying to sleep.
Best of all, anxiety can be managed quite easily. In the majority of cases it can be sent packing with some techniques, education and support. We only really get into trouble when we pretend it’s not there. Above all, it’s important to (1) talk about it, (2) learn about it, and (3) find some support. It’s far less daunting after this.
There are so many great (and simple) things to help manage it. Here are three of my favourites: (1) Breathe! Not deep, just slow. 5 seconds in, five seconds out, five times. Do it often,and it’ll help you calm down and gather your thoughts. (2) Exercise. The old ’30 minutes a day’ plan works great for anxiety and mood, and it’ll help you sleep better. (3) Connect more. Talk with friends and family, and be real with them. Don’t fall into the trap of pretending everything’s fine when it’s not.
Seeing a loved one suffering from anxiety and mood difficulties is hard. Parents often feel the struggle almost as much as their child! It’s a great invitation to band together to find a solution, but also to seek support together. The family circle is the best support network out there, and it acts as a safety net for our kids. I find the best outcomes are when parents and young people consider counselling and therapy as a ‘team process.
As the old saying goes, “if you want to go fast, go alone….if you want to go far, go together”.
By Scott Nodwell, Counsellor/Psychotherapist, The Elizabeth Clinic.
www.elizabethclinic.com .au
